Well this is absolutely appalling. I mean I think it actually goes beyond that.
I wish you could see my face. It’s a burning lobster red. Not from this gorgeous sun we’re having here in Seattle. Nope. In fact, at this very moment I’m working on a nice glowing, golden-hued tan as I type this out on my parents sailboat. Don’t worry… I’m not actually sailing anything right now.
Yeah, that statement couldn’t be more true… particularly of this blog.
My face is burning lobster red with sheer embarrassment. How long has it been? 2 weeks? 3 months? Where’d the time go? Shoot! I even made a promise to myself… I guess you could call it a kind of New Years resolution of sorts that I wouldn’t let this blog slide. That I’d stay on top of it. Well just goes to prove my point that New Years resolutions are generally never accomplished, and further my resolve to never make them. Ever.
I hate failing.
And yet that is exactly what’s happened here. I’ve failed. Failed to write. Failed to keep my promise. Failed to be a good steward of this gift God’s given me. And honestly, I think that latter failing is what moves me from superficial embarrassment to deep contrition. From pride to humility. Because the embarrassment is about me and no one else. It’s self-centered. It’s prideful. I’m burning lobster red because my dropping the ball reflect poorly on me.
But the thing is, this blog, it isn’t about me.
Yeah, I know it’s titled justJessika. And sure… I’m the one who types out the words. But it’s the honest-to-goodness desire of my heart that the situations I share, the words I write be more than just my trivial little trials and triumphs in this strange environment I call my life (you have to admit it is quite strange…). That somehow these words transcend the online personal play-by-play or voyeuristic journal and speak candidly to your heart. Instead of a self-glorifying relic, I hope this blog proves to be a sort of invisible cord, connecting peoples together, at the very least letting you know you’re not alone in your struggles.
And above all it is my prayer that this blog honors and glorifies the One who gave me words. That in fact they are His words typed through my fingers.
The burning lobster red has cooled to my new summer skin tone – one that’s colored with contrition, humility and thanksgiving.
Yep. That wasn’t a typo. Thanksgiving for grace. God’s grace. For His forgiveness. For His gifts of second-chances and new starts. And for His strength to persevere, His promptings to write and His words to type.
So no promises. But hopefully lots of words. That speak to you. That is if you’re still out there…