Goodness gracious me! Is March really almost over? Where’d the time go?What a crazy past couple weeks, months… Ha! For that matter, what a crazy year it’s been!
It’s hard to believe I’ve been writing this blog for over a year now. Wow… and to think how absolutely opposed I was to starting it in the first place…
As many of you know, I’m an avid and somewhat prolific journaler (and if you didn’t know, well, now you do!).
I have a whole drawer full of notebooks – hundreds of pages that are covered in my cursive scribble. But my journals aren’t really a “Dear diary” sort of thing – rather the “Dear Heavenly Father,” kind. But I don’t know if I’d specifically label them “prayer” journals… They are prayers. And yet they’re more than prayers… These journals are full of letters to my Papa God (a.k.a. Abba Father).
But how many of you have gone back and re-read e-mails (since no one handwrites letters anymore) you’ve sent? I’m guessing not many. Well the same is true of me and my letters to my Father.
I probably should. I’m sure it would be beneficial. No. More than beneficial… I’d get to see written testimony of prayers answered and character refined. But that’s the kicker. In order to have character refined, you have to go from something bad to something better.
Now don’t get me wrong… this isn’t a Sika Pity-Party. But I’m just stating the fact that re-reading my journal is, in a word, painful. Maybe painfully embarrassing would be a better description. Reading all the silliness – the trivial and frivolous cares, desires and internal dialogue that took place in my heart and mind – and seeing that so many times Jesus was talking to me when He asked the disciples, “Where is your faith?”, well it makes me blush just thinking about it.
And yet, those things weren’t “trivial” or “frivolous” when I wrote them.
Instead of being ashamed of where I’ve been I should rejoice in where I am, rejoicing in the transformation that’s come from the Spirit and being refined in the furnace of these “trivial” and “frivolous” afflictions.
So praise Jesus for this blog! Ha ha… I can’t believe I’m praising Jesus for a blog! And yet that’s exactly what’s happening. Why? Because it’s basically an easy access journal. A lot like my letters to Papa God, this blog contains many of the struggles I’ve faced, the lessons I’ve learned and the victories I’ve experienced, but written much more thoughtfully (and legibly). And besides, it’s a lot less embarrassing to re-read. I can just go to the side bar and click on the same month last year and see where I was at – what I was going through, what the Lord was teaching me etc. And I have to say it’s encouraging…
An example: Last February we were performing The Sleeping Beauty… this February it was Cinderella. Both are story ballets. In both ballets I got to dance a solo. Then I struggled with fear, insecurity, and wrestled with the fact that I only got one show of the Fairy of Wit. This year I confidently asked to learn the Season Autumn, and trusted the Lord would provide, and boy did He ever! One show? Try two! Similar situations and yet the manner in which they were handled couldn’t have been more different.
Rewind, review and redeem… that’s what it feels like. I re-read my blog posts and see the character refined. I see prayers answered. I see myself being transformed. And I humbly rejoice.
Thank You Papa God for Your Spirit. Thank You Papa God for this blog.