Today’s been a hard day. I’m struggling. During Coppélia at the end of last season we had quite of few days where there were struggles. One sweet little face at work once told me that she and another co-worker of ours thought that Struggles would be a good name for a cat… Struggles the Cat. So now whenever I’m having a day like today, a day where my heart aches from the weight of discouragement and I start wondering if it’s all really worth it, I name it “Struggles the Cat.”
I know… it doesn’t really make sense, but then again, neither do I. So there.
We started working yesterday on a new Jiri Kylian piece that I’m excited to be learning, but, well, lets just say things haven’t turned out the way I expected them to… (Maybe I should go back and re-read my post on Expectations)
I find myself discouraged. I find myself frustrated. I find myself asking the Lord, “Why? Why does it always have to be this hard? I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired working my butt off and for what? When’s it going to be my turn?”
I find myself wanting to go out into the hallways of PNB, and grab those little bunheads that are here for the PNBS summer course and say to them, “Run! Run far away from this! Stop while you still can – before you get sucked in to a life and a love that will only hurt and disappoint you. Save yourself!”
And then I find myself amazed at the thoughts my mind’s creating. What am I thinking? What am I asking? I already know the answers to these questions…
“I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
For me, as a disciple of Christ, it’s never going to be easy. I know this. Jesus flat out tells me so. Guaranteed there’s gonna be trouble; there’s gonna be opposition. It’s not wrong to desire ease, but I have to realize that this is Heaven calling me home, and I’m not there just yet. There’s still work to be done. I still need to be refined. And the best way to refine something is through fire – through times of trial that break us so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body – to show that our strength and perseverance comes not from within our own storehouses but from the joy of the Lord.
And as for those little girls sitting in the hallway looking in the studio dreaming of the day they’ll be the one looking out, well who I am to discourage them from following the path that the Lord has chosen for them? Yes, it’s hard. Yes, there will be times of heartache, heartbreak and discouragement. But that’s just life. So often I want to save myself from this pain of rejection. I mean who wouldn’t?! And the most obvious course of action is to just run away; to say enough is enough and I’ve had enough – I’m DONE! But then I think of Jesus and how much pain He must have suffered, how much rejection He experienced. And did He give up? Nope.
You see running away from pain and rejection is just stupid because no matter where you run you’re gonna run in to it eventually. It’s inevitable. So what am I supposed to do then?
Turn my eyes upon Jesus! Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. He has told me these things – that in this world I will face persecution, rejection and pain – so that in Him I might have peace. For He is victorious! He has overcome the world! Praise Him!
“Therefore we do not lose hear. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
I hope this is an encouragement to those of you out there who are having a Struggles the Cat day. May you be renewed by the hope of glory that is in our Lord Jesus Christ!
Oh and here’s a short youTube video of the piece we’re working on… It’s pretty funny so enjoy!